Neil Hester

All poems © Neil Hester unless otherwritten

Location: North Carolina, United States

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Okay, So I Lied

"Anyhow, Spring Break's next week, so expect some more elaborate entries and a couple new poems;" and yet, here I am, an entire week later and not an entry inbetween. Though I have written some poetry...

First, some links (also: "How To Increase the Content of Your Post and Help Your Friends' Attention By Featuring Other People" [HTICYPHYFABFOP]): From Jess Schneider, The Dentist (I rather enjoyed it) and Bad Published Writer Photos; from Art Durkee, Erotica vs. Pornography; from AnoNick, Conservapedia (ouch); and Anthony Zanetti's Art vs. Pornography (I might do a bit on this sometime, but Art, along with Anthony, cover it pretty well. Maybe I'll put together a quiz/poll to gather some data [and, I'll get to go find skanky borderline erotica/porn pictures! All right!]) and Screw the Lighthouse (someone should do a "Screw the White House" bit... okay, corny, I know). Whew.

LAEvaside: "FABFOP". Fab fop. Fa... heh. [/laevaside]

Okay, so I said something about a poem. However, the one I was going to post this time I will likely expand upon, so, to push a sort of theme, here are a few light poems that really throw around the big words:


Ode to Spot

Felis Cattus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
an endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses
contribute to your hunting skills, and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
a singular development of cat communications
that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
for a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aide in locomotion,
it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behaviour you display
connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

By Data, "Schisms" (Star Trek)

(Credits to Jeff for the find, as well as a correction)


I Didn’t Understand That

Inarticulation is a great abomination
When what could be christened personal phraseology
Surrenders to a jargonistic, hideous cacophony.
Have mercy on the piteous, discordant works, you say?
I fear that any clemency may weaken my conveyance
And give way to the emergence of the disharmonic they.

By Neil Hester


If You're Anxious For to Shine in the High Aesthetic Line


Major-General's Song

(Credits to Jeff [the magnificent])


If anyone knows of other such poems, do tell; I'll edit it in and give you credit for the find. Take care,



Blogger AnoNick said...

Thanks for linking "Conservapedia", my blogging alarms just went off when I saw that site... And "Art vs. Pornography" was good too. Unlikely stories makes me want to write something and submit. :)

The Ode to Spot was very funny, with a nice wordy feel. Your poem had me running for the dictionary (it's weird how many words you can know without remembering their meanings). But it was good, the inversion in the last line felt a bit contrived, though. :)

1:22 AM  
Blogger Jessica Schneider said...

And here I was thinking you were out partying it up, by the way. Merci for the links.

Also, Michael Van Der Galien put you, Anthony & Art in his blogroll under 'literature'.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Art Durkee said...

I don't think the erotica/pornography/fine art debate will ever be settled, at least not as long as our culture is so hung up on sexuality, period. My sister lives in Holland, and in my several visits there, I've looked into their attitudes towards sexuality in general, and porn in particular. Europe seems to have a much mroe emotionally mature attitude, in general, towards art/porn. I think in some ways it's because they sent most of their own blue-nose puritan types over to the New World a few centuries ago, and moved on.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Rock said...


I knew you were good, but I didn't realize how good. I can't help but smile reading your poem about the cat. I smile at the cutness of it, and at your brilliance.

I think I asked you this before, but I can't help but wonder if you aren't published? If not, you ought to be.

Keep up the good work.

Truth—The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone

5:01 PM  
Blogger LAEvanesce said...

Anonick: Yeah, the strain of writing with all that internal rhyme makes it hard to avoid forcing words sometimes, so that sort of style isn't sensible for longer poems. Glad you liked it, though~^^ It's an older one.

Jess: Thanks- I'll be sure to link up his blog.

Art: That's not a bad theory~ In America, things like alcohol and sex seem awfully taboo at a young age because parents (and proper society) make it that way. It gives such things an extra "spice", causing many to get hung (up) over it.

Rock: Well, Ode to Spot isn't mine- like it says, it's "by" Data in Star Trek. Not sure who really wrote it.

8:38 PM  
Blogger jdogmoney said...

A couple of things:

In the first couplet of Ode to Spot, it should be:

Felis Cattus is your taxonomic nomenclature,/An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.

Although Brett Spiner, the actor who played Data, read it as a question, it was originally written (by Clay Dale, the visual effects artist on the show, Star Trek: The Next Generation) as a statement, which, considering the speaker, makes a lot more sense.

[Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon...]

Also, I'm mildly suprised you haven't linked or reproduced "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General".


With all due respect,

Postscript: Apparently, I can't link in a comment.

11:46 PM  
Blogger LAEvanesce said...

Jeff: Bah, I missed this comment; anyhow, I fixed it and added IATVMOAMMG. Thanks a lot~

12:15 AM  

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